Cell phones, mysterious strangers, and what is lost in translation

A few pieces of background before I start.

First, you must know that cell phones are quite ubiquitous here in China. Everyone has one, absolutely everyone. Also most people do not use their cell phones to talk on, mostly people send text messages. They are cheaper than speaking to someone and perhaps less obnoxious than people talking on them all the time.

Second, as a foreigner living in a Chinese city without many other foreigners, you become an object of curiosity. I am often approached by people who ask for my phone number. Often after a short conversaton they will ask me if I want to be their friend. I still don't quite know what to make of such forwardness. Were I not in China this would not happen. I just can't imagine it happening to me in America. My initial reaction is to be friendly (Sure I'll take another friend!) but this is just not how friends are made. It makes me uncomfortable to have to turn down someone's request of friendship, but if I accepted all these requests I would have a phone full of so-called "friends" who I really know nothing about. So I usually decline to give my phone number out. I feel much better about giving out my email address, but few Chinese people I meet use email very often.

So since I rarely give out my phone number to strangers, I also have a policy of not answering the phone if it is a number I don't recognize. Too many times have I answered the phone at 7am only to find it is some person on the other end of the phone who always seems shocked that anyone has picked up. I don't know if I am being pranked, or if it is so many wrong numbers, or what. Often they will continue to call back. It doesn't take too many instances of this sort of thing to be wary about giving out my phone number and to answer the phone if someone strange calls.

Recently I got a message on my phone from an unknown number. Here is the first part of our back and forth:

Stranger: Where have you been?
Me: Who are you?
Stranger: I am your friend
Me: What is your name?
Stranger: maybe we can be friends, hehe, remember me, good night
Me: If you do not tell me your name how can we be friends?

Then he asked if I understood Chinese, since his English was not good. I texted him that I did (the rest of the conversation was in Chinese texts), he then replied that he thought I must be a Chinese person lying to him only pretending to be a foreigner. I assured him I really was a foreigner. Then he told me to be straight with him, he said "Don't lie to me, I am slow to anger but my fists are strong." Then I asked him who gave me his phone number. He replied with this truly weird response: "You ask who gave me your phone number? ha ha... its a secret! why?

... and so on. Then he switched to Chinese and we continued our conversation.

I really don't know what to make of interactions like these. He claimed that I gave him my phone number but that I never gave him my name. It is possible, even though I try not to give out my number to too many people I have given it out on occasion, though the fact that he did not know my name and really wanted me to tell him what it was, was a little weird to be honest. Of course it could be that this person was just completely inept at talking to other people and doesn't know how to make friends. Every country has people like this.

I often wonder if being a foreigner, an obvious outsider, makes me attactive to other people who feel they too are outsiders. I do meet many great and wonderful people (students, professors, friends of friends) but there are also weird encounters. Like last year there would be people who would stake out the door to the foreign student dorm waiting for a foreigner to leave so they can pounce, pressing their essay into my hands, pleading with me to read it for them, or to teach them English ("I'll be your bestest friend!!!") The fact that they won't relent even when I tell them I am on my way to class, makes me think that they are not normal, that they do not know how to relate to people.

The real difficulty is language of course, even if this person is speaking to me in English, so much is lost in translation. ("did they really mean exactly what they said? Probably they meant to say ___ instead of ___. Yes that makes more sense.") But often it is not all that clear. Chinese can be the same way. To be honest I usually feel more comfortable talking to a stranger in Chinese. If someone approaches me and is speaking in Chinese, I feel I have a better handle on the situation. I'm sure my language skills in Chinese cause people much confusion (in fact I know they do ;-) but I don't come up to people asking to be their best friend and make them give me their phone number.